Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
