he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
