When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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