Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
