someone get that fucking seahorse.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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