Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
