420 ftw
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
