How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
