Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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