Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
