he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
