dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
