Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize