sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
