soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
