There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
