if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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