I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
