Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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