if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
