I wish I could teleport
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
