Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
