Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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