Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
