Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
