I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
