yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
