shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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