we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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