It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize