sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
