dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
