Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I fill condoms, not promises.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
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