Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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