with your own penis?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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