In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
