It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
