After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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