you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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