Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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