i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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