Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
