Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
accomplished twins. life is a go
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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