yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
