roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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