dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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