I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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