youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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