Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize