i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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