you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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