awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
