I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
