i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
