I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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