3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
