I could have mohawked her pubes.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
