I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
