We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
