right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
