The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
