She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
