I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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