My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
