I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
