Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
